Who's Your Daddy?

Email string from father's day, 2010

Who's your daddy?

Andy Burt	Fri, Jun 18, 2010 at 1:57 AM
Ok, enough of the funk. As I'm sure you're aware, this weekend is Father's Day. Regardless of whether you're a father now, we all have fathers that have impacted us in profound ways. So my proposition for today is this: Take 5 minutes and give us a story about your dad that you think makes him worthy of remembrance. It could be an event, or a tender moment, or a time when your dad was a total bada$$. But we all have stories, and it's good to tell them to each other to honor our dads. And then, after you tell everyone here, make sure you tell your own dad about what you remember. Here's one of mine: I was about 14 at the time and my best bud and I loved to go fishing. However, in NY, if you're under 16 you must have a boating license to actually drive a motor powered boat. So we took to rowing a rowboat with a small outboard motor all over our home town lake, but never actually used the motor. One Saturday, we decided to explore all over the lake, including outlets and tributaries that took us completely off of the main water. After about 6 hours, daylight was beginning to fade. It was a LONG way back to our dock. So my friend and I just said, "screw it," and tried to figure out how to turn the motor on using the old school rip chord. After 10 minutes of tinkering, we finally got that bad boy roaring, and then cruised back to the dock, making sure to kill the motor when we were in visual distance so that my parents would not suspect we were doing anything illegal. Well, I guess as a parent now I can understand the fury that was in my mom's face when we returned, as I'm sure she was scared that we had capsized somewhere. As we packed up and headed out, I got the impression that my dad, while knowing he was SUPPOSED to be pissed at me, was in actuality emoting something a bit different. He was silently expressing his pride in our accomplishment of navigating the waters, figuring out how to turn the motor on, and getting back safely. My mom never did come down hard on me, and I'd like to think it was because my dad vouched for me on that day because he wasn't mad at all; he was proud that his doofus of a son had grown up a little bit that day.

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Matt Sadler	Fri, Jun 18, 2010 at 8:30 AM
When I was a freshman in high school, my family was going to a very oppressive church and my siblings and I were attending the school that was associated with it. As a 9th grader, I was still pretty much an angel. I guess I had a sense of rebellion in me, and when the administrators of the school were trying to dictate what music and movies I consumed at home, I would not let them stating why I thought they were fine. Typically in this scenario, 90% of the parents would have caved and let the kid hang out to dry. My Dad went to war with the pastors and the school admins, and when the school finally said enough and kicked me out. my dad called the church and said that his family would have nothing more to do with them. This church was almost everything to my family. It was there community. It was there life for 10 years. It was not an easy decision. And frankly it was one of the few times i was really proud of my dad. [Quoted text hidden]

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Steve Fairchild	Fri, Jun 18, 2010 at 9:18 AM
I don't think I have anything like that, but I knew my dad was proud of me when I got into a fight in shop class in 8th grade. I got suspended from school, but my dad didn't really care about that, he was glad that I punch people when they're picking on me. [Quoted text hidden]

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Anthony Epling	Fri, Jun 18, 2010 at 12:10 PM
I don't know that I've got a story that immediately works like that, but the first thing that popped into my head is the time my dad (a high school tennis coach), brother and I were out playing tennis and despite my complete disinterest in anything athletic, my dad let it slip, that in his opinion, I was the one in the family with real natural tennis ability. What made this situation worse is that at the time, my brother (who completely yearns to be my dad in everything he does), was going out to the tennis courts twice a day to practice and get better. There was no question that he was a better player than I was, but apparently, I was the one with more talent. Still, to this day, it is not something we talk about. But it kinda made me realize that my dad did recognize us both, even if my brother was more like him. [Quoted text hidden]

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Andy Burt

I'll add an addendum - if you had an experience with the father of one of the other guys in this thread, feel free to share that as well. In remembrance, this is my one and only experience encountering Bassett's dad. It was freshman year at JMU, I believe, and could have been something like homecoming weekend. For some reason, a lot of parents were there, and Mr. Bassett was holding court with one Mr. Sadler and Mr. Christian in the dorm common area. I thought these were some of the most sophisticated pater familias that I had ever met. Later, Mr. Bassett joined us all to an adventure at our second favorite late night spot, The Waffle House. Mr. Bassett sat there with a bunch of 18 year old know-it-all-nothings and engaged with us. He asked us serious questions; he wanted to know what we thought about things that mattered, at a time when mostly what mattered to us was the next round of D-Hall or a DTR. He made an impression on me. I was envious of Brian that night. My second favorite memory was when Brian described his dad as "having a huge 'J.'" [Quoted text hidden]

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Steve Fairchild	Fri, Jun 18, 2010 at 1:25 PM
I met Dale. My impression of him is that he would probably have a huge J. [Quoted text hidden]

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Doug Cress	Fri, Jun 18, 2010 at 5:52 PM
My dad has never been a very emotional guy. I can't remember him discussing with me how he actually feels about much of anything. We've always related to each other more on our similar interests and such things. That being said my dad has always put the family before his career. Things like choosing to move to Virginia to take a job with the Army he didn't really want b/c he new the schools were better, and then refusing a job the Army wanted him to take b/c it would take him unaccompanied to Korea for a Year right when my brother and I were in high school. I learned that it was ok to lead Bible studies from him since that's what he always did when we moved around as kids. I remember after I graduated from college I wanted to drive cross country. My mom wouldn't have it, but he defended me and eventually convinced her to buy me train tickets instead. (incidentally if anyone ever offers you to train across country without the sleeping car, laugh in their face and don't return their phone calls). In other daddy news, for those of you who remember or knew Ben Evans. He had a baby boy today. Aiden Alexander Evans. 8lbs 4oz 20". Mom and baby are doing fine. --doug ><> [Quoted text hidden] -- Doug Cress http://bythewicketgate.blogspot.com/

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I don't know if this is the best story, but it sticks in my mind and half of you were there for it anyway

I was getting ready for my wedding and I couldn't find my licence. I had my passport, so honeymoon to Jamaica would be fine, but I knew that Jen really wanted me to have 2 forms of ID just in case. Knowing that any little thing could set off a bride on her big day, I was very nervous. During the guy's only photo shoot less than an hour before the wedding, I realized that I didn't have my watch on. This was a watch that Jen gave me as part of my wedding gift. I look at my Dad with sheer terror and he doesn't even need me to ask, he says "I'll be right back." Mind you, he's not too familiar with this area and he's driven this route exactly once.

He shows up a few minutes before the wedding and hands me the watch. Then he says "you might need this too" and hands me my drivers licence. A 500 lb. weight falls right off my shoulders and I wrap my arms around him and thank him for saving the day. I think I actually said "you're my hero" and I meant it.

It was a simple thing, but he was there exactly when I needed him most.

-Jeff

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Andy Burt	Sun, Jun 20, 2010 at 3:56 PM
That's a great story, great memory. I felt so privileged to be part of that day. I distinctly remember Jen's mom coming to you saying that they were ready for you to go get pictures taken, and then she asked you where your watch was. I remember seeing the color just drain out of your face. And of course Mr. Clark jumps into action. My other lasting memory of Mr. Clark was when we went fishing with Jeff's bro, and Mr. Clark came out walking on the doc wearing his all-elements gear. Someone said, "wow, it's like Old Man and the Sea." Indeed, it was like he had suddenly stepped out of an Earnest Hemmingway novel. What I really love about Jeff's dad is that any time we've talked, he has never been afraid to challenge me intellectually or professionally. He always displayed a vested interest in my personal development. [Quoted text hidden]

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Jeff Clark	Sun, Jun 20, 2010 at 9:21 PM
Thanks Andy. As for your Dad, I will have to paraphrase Dumbledore in Half Blood Prince - he is exceedingly nice, which is a trait far too often overlooked. [Quoted text hidden]

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Brian A. Bassett	Mon, Jun 21, 2010 at 8:05 AM
All- Getting to this late, as I'm in Martha's Vineyard without serious internet access. Thanks for the thoughts on my dad Andy, I really appreciate that, you made me smile when I read that. Just a reminder of how much you guys have supported me in my life, I was so overwhlemed when those of you who could, came up for my dad's memorial service ... seeing you guys was the moment things sunk in for me, but in a good way, to have you there without him being there was a huge support, I have tears in my eyes just writing this this morning sitting in the Black Dog Bakery Cafe ... you guys are the best. ----- My Dad My dad was always one to give me great advice, and I am so thankful for it. On a cold December night in 2003, I drove all my earthly possesions north to my parents house in NY, then was heading on to Boston. As I left for Ny from Richmond, I saw a steel belt starting to show on my tire (I was dirt poor) and was worried. I called my dad, who told me to go slow on the way up, and do my best. After praying in the car for hours about my future, my dad, Courtney, a job, etc etc. etc. I am exiting 95 to get on the Palisades Parkway, I get this overwhelming sense prompting me, in a very real but very inexplicable way saying "you're going to be alright." Had to be the Holy Spirit in my mind. I got about 20 minutes from my parents house and it was probably 10 at night ... BLAM the tire goes. I limp off the highway, find a place to park and call my dad out of a dead sleep. He says to hang on and he'll be there soon. In his PJs (keep in mind he was doing chemo at this time) boots and a coat, he finds me, says to leave the car we'll deal with it in the morning. I get in his car and we drive home. Turning off the Saw Mill Parkway, we turn onto a darkened Reader's Digest Road, cresting the hill and he asks me how I am and specifically what moving to Boston means about me and Courtney. I say nothing about the presence I felt an hour earlier. I tell him that I am excited, but that I have doubts about Courtney, I like her, but I'm not sure whether or not she's "the one." He looks over at me, smiles and says. "Sometimes, you have to trust the Holy Spirit Brian. Some times it will prompt you directly, other times it will speak through other people to you through other beleivers. Those you know and trust ... your FAMILY ... me ... your mom, your friends, your aunts and uncles, think the world of her. She's an amazing woman, and sometimes you need to trust that those who love you are speaking not just on our behalf, but on behalf of the Spirit, whether we know it or not." I honestly can't remember what I said in response. I don't think it mattered. But I know that from that point on, I didn't doubt that Courtney was someone who I could marry. ------ Your Dads - I apologize that I don't know (or remember) them all. Here's my best shot. Matt - Your dad's service and concern for the people around him is extremely admirable. Don't underestimate his love and concern for others ... Jeff C. - I don't know him well, but when I think about your dad, I think about his eyes. They are kind eyes that show that he's a warm-hearted person. I get the sense there's a hint of a troublemaker there, but overly I think about his warmth and kindness ... you have those eyes too Jeff. Jeff P. - Stoic and staid, your dad might not have a lot to say (or at least as far as I know) but I know that he's a stable rock in your family. Doug C - I think I've met your dad just once or twice, but I loved that he would get techie with us kids, and that your sister's tween antics rolled off his back. Never having sisters I remember thinking "how does he do it?" Andy - Your dad reminds me of mine in a number of ways. Something of a renaissance man, guitar player, mechanic, etc etc etc. Doug H - I remember that your dad was pretty cool. I remember laughing when we saw a commercial on ESPN about a Bear Bryant Movie (west texas 40?) he said that Bear Bryant was "an asshole" or something of the kind. [Quoted text hidden] -- Brian Bassett

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Jeff Clark	Mon, Jun 21, 2010 at 8:59 AM
I never got the chance to meet most of your Dads (and when I've met some of them, I don't think we got past the pleasantries and small talk) but they produced you guys, so they must be something special (cheesy, I know, but when in Rome) I'll take a moment to highlight Doug and Scott's Dad (Paul). Very caring, that much you see right up front. What comes out over time, however, is his thoughtfulness. He measures his words and gives you thoughtful responses to any questions you ask. Sometimes I've asked him things to be funny and was surprised to get a reasoned, intelligent response instead of glib smalltalk. That's not to say he couldn't have fun though. He enjoys a good laugh and a game of cards and can talk about sports with anyone. He's also not afraid to be the leader of the household. In fact, even as a twenty-something "man" I felt like he was the Dad figure when I was around him. He'd give me a stern "hey now" when I cursed (who knew that "pissed" was a curse?) and I felt genuinely bad about disappointing him. Post college - I was miles and miles away from family and without many friends in the local area. The Cress family gave me a home away from home for a number of holidays and social events and for that I'll always be indebted to them. -Jeff [Quoted text hidden]

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Jeff Clark	Mon, Jun 21, 2010 at 9:13 AM
by the way, Paul Cress's sons are a lot like him - except Doug is a little more goofy and Scott is a little bit insane (in a good way) [Quoted text hidden]

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Andy Burt	Mon, Jun 21, 2010 at 9:27 AM
>
My interactions with Doug's dad were few and far between, but I can echo the sentiments here, especially with regards to Jeff's experience. I couldn't see how Mr. Cress was directly, but I COULD see the impact he had on Jeff, and it was a very positive impact indeed. He is also delightfully geeky. I remember one Christmas email string where an excited Doug said, "yeah, we got LAN components for Christmas! My dad and I are going to install it together." (or something like that :-) I could also see that affection when Jeff was installing a new OS back when it was actually difficult to do such a thing (Windows! XP! Wave of the future!) and Mr. Cress came over to our place and spent the afternoon getting his metaphorical hands dirty and loving every minute of it. *** I had a similar personal experience as Jeff, with Dale Sadler. When I graduated and moved to Charlottesville, I too was kind of alone (I wasn't one of the cool cats who moved to Richmond). Dale and Flo took care of me like I was one of their own. He always made me feel welcome at church, when I rarely knew anyone that I could sit with. He has a personable and amiable quality that welcomes people of all stripes. Frequently I would finish up with church and then head right over to Mr. Sadler's house, where I would just hang out, watch sports or whatever, and listen to him pontificate about Mickey Mantle and Jim Kelly. We would eat frozen pizza together while watching horrible $1 rental movies. When I started dating Jeanna (then "Gina"), Dale was the first "father" she met, not my own. (along with a bacon turkey. BACON. TURKEY.) One of my favorite memories though is when I was driving around one night with Jeanna while talking to Matt on the phone. He mentioned that his folks had just had chicken parm that night, and I felt instantly hungry. Sadler said, "Just drive on over. I'll call them and let them know you're heading over, they'll bring some out to you." SCORE. Well, we get there and are sitting outside waiting, and there's no motion inside. I figure I might as well call to see what's going on. Dale answers, somewhat groggily. It seems that he's unaware of what's going on, but he says he'll be right out. He understands-it's Flo's chicken parm. A few minutes later, Dale Sadler, dressed in a tight white undershirt and boxerbriefs, walks across his front lawn holding a bundle of chicken parm. "There you go, enjoy," he said, and then shuffled back inside. I was a bit surprised, and Jeanna, well... I called Sadler back and asked him, "You DID call your parents, right?" "Um, I tried to, I think they were asleep because they didn't answer."